He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
