I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize