And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
