Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
