I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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