so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I forget how to act sober
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