I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
