Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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