I'm jealous of your bromance
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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