how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize