this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
