I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
