I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
