This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
