I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
