Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
