Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
