peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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