the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
