Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Randomize
