Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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