When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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