oh god the rape fog is back!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
