Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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