I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
