??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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