No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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