so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
