I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
