my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
