Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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