We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Shame - the story of my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
