Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Having a random hookup so left but love u
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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