we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
