i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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