In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We're too hungover to prance.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
