69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize