I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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