I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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