Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
