sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
