she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
