It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
