Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
