soooo we both peed the bed last night...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
