I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize