Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
