Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
