i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
