Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
