just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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