hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
