if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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