Already got asked if we're dating
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
