only you would photoshop your dick
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
