I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
