I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
