that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
