It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
