Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
