If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
