So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
