He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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