and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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