While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My breasts were aching with rage.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
